We're facebook friends in real life
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize