Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize