Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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