There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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