dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
