i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
