Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I pour the whiskey from now on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
