Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
