i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
