Plan B is the new Plan A
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize