Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
