i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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