I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
