Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize