So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
