but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
