She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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