He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
