That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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