i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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