it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
