9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
