so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
