I should be sponsored by Trojan
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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