Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
