Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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