Only a mothe r could love this liver
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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