ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
