Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize