do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
