i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
