this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I party with great urgency now.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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