u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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