So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
