i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
