I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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