careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
