yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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