Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
