Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
