i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
