This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
