Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No stitches, just platelets and will power
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
