you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
