I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
