Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
