did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
