i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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