If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize