I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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