Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
