someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize