and you said cock pushups were impossible
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
