The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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