i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
