What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
