I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He better not be in your backpack
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
