The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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