So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
