I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
